THE EARTH: Hotter Still!

As iced coffee consumption and the average mean temperature of the earth continue their interlocked, orgasm-like rise upward, we note that tattered shreds will be a prudent fashion choice in the next century. "Loose fitting, adaptable, down-town, defiant, re-vealing, rev-olutionary," says fashion columnist Cindy Livered about tattered shreds. "The mothers of young girls today wore jeans with holes in them. You don't expect hipsters today to wear what their mother's wore, now do you?" Shreds will also be good for wearing underneath pressurized suits. "Lower sperm counts and general sexual disfunction will eventually end the wearing of underwear as we know it, leaving those who still have a need for clothes wanting a loose fitting garment that is 'good as naked', especially for the 'hot times' ahead. And hot it will be.

"Thank God the data that the earth is heating up even

faster than even the most left wing of scientists thought came forth after the big conference in Brazil was over." says developer Deforest Burns. "...And since its a few years until the next one, we have plenty of time for damage control." "Damage control on the effects of global warming?" asked one reporter. "HUH? I mean PR damage. If more people really knew about what lies ahead I'd have a lot harder time doing business. Look, the green-house effect will be a boon to the existing industries of air conditioning, water, healthcare and will spawn new mega-zillion dollar industries in oxygen,skin replacement, domed cities, and pressurized suits. Sure a few things will fall by the wayside, but that has never stopped progress before.'

CONTINUED ON PAGE 5

Luxury Drink's
House of Foam

We at Crappucino had decided not to waste any more space on Luxury Drink and their insidious editoral policies. But then they came out with their 'Liquids of Fame' issue, ranking the top 50 drinks of the century. Not only did 6 coffee drinks make the top 10, but water at #47? Come on! And on top of that, ranking it at all because "...its one of the ingredients in beer, soda, coffee, and urine..."? Geeez!

A Latte Shit
Your editorial is inane. Your viewpoint is pointless. You suck and I wish you would cease to publish. -Still Out Here

Pressurized Suits Me
Hey, you guys say a lot of bad things about pressurized suits - like how we're gonna have to wear them soon when the air becomes poisonous and the atmosphere too hot. Well let me just tell you I love my pressurized suit. It has my phone, TV, and net connection, not to mention air conditioning and an ATM. And its store of food and coffee drinks mean I can stay cool when your nose is sliding off your face. -Near Future

Ignorance is Luxury
Is Luxury Drink a real magazine? I've looked for it on the newsstands but never been able to find it. -Just Wondering

No, Luxury Drink is not real . Crappucino¨ is a total and complete fictional world, like Star Wars. - ed

you can send your letters to crappED@gasm.org but we won't print them so go right ahead.